You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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