Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
