so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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