If i come over, it means nothing
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize