farters have to be the big spoon...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
