I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
