I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
