What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
