Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
