just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i think my cat just said my name.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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