first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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