Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
