I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
