So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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