I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
