ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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