Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
