She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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