38 yer olds are good kisserssss
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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