I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
