i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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