listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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