we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
