Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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