I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
