I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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