cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
