Having a random hookup so left but love u
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize