marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
