I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
