you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
