I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
