Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
