He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize