If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
