So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
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I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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