We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
