you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
