How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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