Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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