I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
