She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
