I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize