Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
