Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
