You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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