he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
