i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
