She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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