Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
