The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
