Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
