hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
