Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
