I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
