thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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