sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
