I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
