Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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