It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
