Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
