Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets