what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is