Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.