ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.