Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  Hey man sorry I got all grabby

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  (972): Hey man sorry I got all grabby http://tfl.nu/1c4w
  Replies (3) Good night (842) Bad night (689)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.

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  (202): I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants. (202): ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up. http://tfl.nu/3a4d
  Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.

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  (832): Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are. http://tfl.nu/ir1i
  Replies (15) Good night (3758) Bad night (1207)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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  (417): My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong. http://tfl.nu/opsu
  Replies (14) Good night (1075) Bad night (7780)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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  (925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej
  Replies (14) Good night (4045) Bad night (903)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

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  (513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec
  Replies (28) Good night (5835) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.

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  (712): He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him. http://tfl.nu/xqld
  Replies (30) Good night (5717) Bad night (1936)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me

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  (605): mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me http://tfl.nu/m5ve
  Replies (4) Good night (3229) Bad night (736)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.

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  (403): Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person. http://tfl.nu/qpdl
  Replies (15) Good night (2151) Bad night (2749)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him

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  (319): Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him http://tfl.nu/qb96
  Replies (16) Good night (2214) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.

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  (336): I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella. http://tfl.nu/lhln
  Replies (10) Good night (3791) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard

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  (408): No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard http://tfl.nu/3xoe
  Replies (3) Good night (561) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.

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  (256): That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was. http://tfl.nu/kyou
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (469)
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  (951): View more from California

  What's dad's email?

  (1-951): View more from California

  askmom@cause.idk

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  (951): What's dad's email? (1-951): askmom@cause.idk http://tfl.nu/l2ab
  Replies (3) Good night (1198) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (+66): View more from Thailand

  How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?

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  (+66): How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai? http://tfl.nu/z73d
  Replies (2) Good night (445) Bad night (199)

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