Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Send help, water and tortillas.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
