It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
