I can't watch pbs sober anymore
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
