the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
