Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
