don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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